i juz read one of my friend's blog and i'm not sure whether he gonna read mine... (hopefully he does...) i pity the situation that he is in rite now from the way he say, sometimes i juz feel ashamed at myself too but then i wasn't too close neither do i not know him and yet we don't talk too much anymore. remembering that we used to talk about school stuff and help out each other but now we rarely see each other at school and chat at msn. friendship is something that needs to maintain like keeping a pet or planting a plant at ur garden. friendship fade away slowly if u don take time to keep it. and i agree i don really maintain my friendship well so i don really wan to say much too probably becos i have yet to have met a true friend that i can really really rely on too. whenever i thought she might the friend that i can rely on she juz seems so far away from me again. and i don't noe whether she think that this way too? it seems that the only thing that is my best friend will be my blog for now... listen to me bragging about stuff how i feel willingly even if it doesn't i will make it. i have been thinking y haven't i got a friend that can listen to me talk nonsense, do crazy stuff with me, exchange secrets, give me hug when i need one, comfort me when i am sad, ask me out once in a while. juz when i thought that you might be the friend i was looking for i see u going off with another friend doing stuff that i would to do it with you too, u didn't ask whether i have to go too... i want to but i can't since i have to help to cover ur shift since both of u are going.. what can i do? i don't have much friend at poly and the gang of friends that are left for me are those that i meet at work and i noe that everyone are great people and are people that show their true smiles and thoughts to me. but they are getting fewer and fewer as time pass, some left for better paying job, some went for NS, some went for studies overseas and some juz simply gone missing. people juz come and go at my work place and i am still there working waiting... waiting for something to happen... i can say that i am lucky that the bar man i am working for is a great man, great person, great friend too. but he is a man that is like my father how can i make him worry for me when i noe that he take care of me well and dote on me occassionally? i can't, i respect him and he is getting old and he really treat me like his daughter so sometimes i really don wan him to make him worry. so what is life without a friend it is boring and lonely i admit but i am accepting it. if this person is not gonna come then i am gonna wait becos i feel tired going out looking for one becos it juz hurt that much when u put in so much time and effort the friend juz misunderstood u so easily n turn into a stranger so fast. i don wan to juz find a friend and stick with the person then that person will be so pitiful becos i am juz gonna treat that person like a spare tyre until i find a true friend which is unfair and i wouldn't like that. if no one thinks of me as a friend that's ur business not mine, those who treat me well i will treat them well. that is what i keep in mind since young. and i intend to believe that, i accept things as it is becos regret won't get anything done i will be juz stuck at the same place so i accept. although i am lonely now but i believe that one day i will find that friend that i can enjoy been wif...